Surprises

“Anything But Ordinary”
aptly describes the contents
of my daughter’s yearbook
(titled “Anything But Ordinary”).

“Don’t read it, Mom!”
she pleads
“You won’t like it.”

I should have listened.

Did the teacher in me want to score?
Yes
Did the moralist in me want to preach?
Yes.
Did the mother in me what to scold?
Yes.

But here’s my greatest fear:

IF

(Yo, Bitch)
(Stay sexy)
(Party naked
rotten to the core,
cuz we’re the class of ‘94)
(Have a kick ass summer)
What’s UP -- my penis is,
you give me such a rise)

sample what her friends had to say,

What in the world did she say to them?

Sylvia Edwards

Ways to Aggravate Mother

Put clean clothes in the dirty clothes basket.
Dig out the laundry once a month.
Keep wet towels heaped in the closet.

Hide half full milk classes under the bed.
Eat cookies, crackers, cakes in the tub.
Sprinkle candy wrappers everywhere.

Say:

You always let him/her go.
You like him/her better.
Dad said I could.

I said I’d be late for dinner.
Oh, you mean that was for dinner?
What left over pizza?

Oh yeah. I forgot. Sign this please.
Why can’t I have one?  Everyone else does.
Say, I need $25 tomorrow.

Can I stay out later?
Sure, I’ll call.
I couldn’t find a phone.

I need gas money.
I need a ride.
Can I have the car?

Mom, why are you such a grump?
You don’t like anything I do.
You have too many rules.

Sylvia Edwards